Throughout our lives, we all feel at times as thou we were lost, or missing something we need to go search for. Perhaps, it is part of human nature to explore the depths of love and light, as well as turmoil and sorrow. This is a story of how I found the light at a time like this, simply by following my heart and my music.
The last year of my life has been filled with love and light fueled by adventure. I learned that there is always a healthy balance of both good and bad. That what you do with the bad is what makes the good.
Inspiration is something you can’t buy. It’s something you have to feel in your core, in your heart and soul. It is something that has never been easy for me to find and especially harder to feel in moments of happiness and goodness. In fact, until composing for the film Under an Eternal Sky I had only found inspiration in the dark.
Growing up in the small town of Green River, Wyoming, was not easy. After middle school all of my friends had dated the girls I thought I loved (as deep as 13 year old love can be). In an instant, high school came along and most of my friends were drinking and smoking their lives away. They had nothing to do except fill their heads with chemical imbalances to cope with the feeling of being alone in the high plains. However, from a very young age I was able to find in my guitar, a healthy outlet for all the sadness and drug use floating around. By the age of 19 I had been in and out of addictions, lost two good friends, grown close with my family and been pushed away by anything a 19 year old musician could call love. Alas, my only inspiration in life was loss. I had to make my own destiny with my music, I had to set myself free and see something new. So I left. I had no experience in the outside world, I jumped in a car with people I barely knew and went to California.
Hitchhiking through the raw deserts of America is no easy task, and sometimes, just sometimes, you have to jump a freight train. It was only two weeks after this physical feat that I met Debra Kellner, a wonderful filmmaker and photographer who had been scouting for a documentary on American subculture, exactly what I was buried in at the time. After our journey together and the publication in Paris Match of our story, Debra was to shoot a film for Lolë. I had never been on a set before and I was lucky enough to be hired on as a cook. My job was full of so much laughter and light! I was the “mama bear” of the shoot. I cooked and cleaned for everyone and made sure no one’s wine glass was half empty at dinner. Jokes were made, stomachs were filled and I got to play music for everyone. In the evenings, our assistant director -Holden Warren- would tell the mostly European crew stories about life in America, we would all share laughs and sing.
How were they all to know that every day I spent there, I felt more and more inspired? Inspired by something that had never inspired me before: good people, that weren’t just following their dreams, but living them and loving life.
When the Under an Eternal Sky was released I was asked about what inspired me to make the music. The answer was clear, I was inspired by the strength and integrity, good will, and heart that beamed from the people involved. They were unaware how rare it is to find inspiration and how special it was for me, for the first time, find it something good.
The experience of composing music for Lolë was effortless because it was easy to see the strength and good will the team brought to the world. People like this are special, and set a special example in this world, for good.
Little did we know while shooting, that the music was floating in the air all the while…